I-Spi(neless)

Two years and 2 months exactly to the day was the day my life became hell. Routine, means fuck all to me now and this post is encouraging people to make yourself heard if you've suffered any wrong doing of any sort ever! "A simple routine operation" were the words I heard by the consultant and I had every reason to believe him. Fine, I'll be the first admit that there was always the chance that it may go on longer than predicted but 2 years? Are you kidding me? I feel like going on an absolute rant and I hope to get some opinions from some close friends about whether I'm doing the right thing.

Three weeks after the surgery I was "able" to return to work, first thing I had to do was rack away the truck without any assistance. Wasn't too bad until I began to feel some pain from the stitches and had to stop and I had a feeling that this was only the start of a long sequence of events that would toy with my calamity. The situation got messy and quick, hours were cut, infection began to consume the wound, painkillers and anti-biotics were being taken, another course quit because of this. Frustration began to consume me, I should have been on the verge of going into my work placement or 3rd year of university but no, obstacles began to build up and I guess that there were some very good people around me that made things seem easier. September 15th 2009 was another big day for me, another operation and again, the words "this should be the last operation you need" keep ringing in my head, finally I began to see a shred of light and get my life back on track but then I began to see the lazy side of the NHS which resulted in Christmas being slightly disrupted by waiting around for district nurses. Going to the nurse, waiting for nurses and going to the hospital seemed to be my only daily routine I could get into, I would have to cut classes and travel an hour just to be told that the wound is still there. During my consultations, I would have to sit around a waiting room for 30 minutes, walk into an exam room, sit there for 10 minutes, wait for the consultant to walk in and get told that it's getting better. That sounds good right? But here's the complication...I was told that by the consultant at EVERY (can't stress it enough) consultation. Nurses of Stanwell Surgery told me that no, it wasn't getting better and I should go see a wound specialist.

This man was apparently the head honcho of wound care and I thought "finally, I'm being prioritized." More exams didn't seem to phase me because this man would know what to do with me surely? So I agreed and went to these exams. The wound was measured by his staff at the Royal Infirmary and they agreed with the nurses, it wasn't getting better. They were quite angry by his unprofessional diagnosis and said that it isn't ethical to give clients hope when nothing is getting better and as depressing as it sounds, I agreed, I'd rather get raped by the truth then get given a lollipop by a lie. I still got a file with the measurements in it and I will need to get them at some point but by this point, I wasn't exactly at boiling point but I was simmering...I was close to the edge. Months dragged on, appointments became frivolous and I tried to be the composed one and my mother could sense that everything started to begin to surface.

Things took a turn for the worse in the last couple of months, I was being shown disrespect by the consultant, handing me over to his student doctors who evidently didn't know what they were doing, had no problems instigating pain to an extent that I would bleed quite a lot and feel dizzy, chewed gum during a MEDICAL EXAM, pass me over to another surgeon after he just gave up and didn't seem at all apologetic that he hasn't done anything sooner. I don't really care about admitting it but yeah, I cried, the whole situation took it's toll on me and I gave in to emotion. I felt so low as a human and as a patient that I didn't see clearly about if I was ever going to recover, well certainly not under the doctor's care.

It turns out that some things had gone on behind my back which I won't go into but discussions had be had and words had be said back and forth but something surfaced about what I should do, I saw adverts on tv, I've had conversations with friends and yeah, I decided to put a claim forward for NHS negligence 2 years on I honestly believe I deserve something out of this, I've made the first steps towards it and I honestly need people to look over the post and see if they believe I have a claim or not.

My Black Stone Cherry's been popped!

Thursday 9th of June wasn’t really a day that I thought was going to go well at all but I was surprised. I wasn’t overly keen to see Black Stone Cherry because quite honestly I never really cared to give them a proper listen which I now regret. I pretty much spent £17 or something along those lines to spend some time with a couple of friends and just hang out and listen to music. I thought the highlight of the night was going to be me putting Morbid Angel on the Boogiez jukebox but I was in for a surprise. All I knew about the first band, The Treatment, were that I would stumble around Sonisphere, drunk at 11am and think they were Buckcherry or something and as I said, BSC (sounds like a degree) didn’t at the time tickle my fancy, my two friends liked them and I liked hanging out with my friends, seemed like a win-win situation.

Usually this is the part where I’d rip the hell out of the opening act or the main act but to be perfectly honest, I can’t. Something about The Treatment worked and not just as an opener, but as a band worth going to see to headline something minor. Hell, I figured they were going to be better than Dear Superstar (I won’t rip into them again, much) and just sat there. The didn’t make an entrance, they just walked on, picked up their instruments and just went from silence to turning the volume up to 11 in 2 seconds of them walking on. I was very impressed considering I hadn’t heard anything by them ever, just heard the name being mentioned by Matt Bladen (you can find his very professional take on the gig at: http://musipediaofmetal.blogspot.com/?spref=fb). I’m not exactly sure how long their set was and I don’t care either, but it was one hell of a set. Some impressive riffs being played and I could sense a bit of vintage inspiration in the singer, possibly influenced by power ballad/rock singers? Impressive start to an otherwise long career for these young up and comers, hopefully see them at Sonisphere, can’t wait. Very impressed.

Black Stone Cherry did an introduction which didn’t strike me that well, I’ve heard/seen better/funnier introductions but they came on and started shredding. Again, seeing as it was a warm up for Download this year, an intimate set was to be expected and they gave a hell of a lot more than intimate in front of what I guess was a couple of hundred people. A couple of surprises were the little surprise speech by the frontman Chris Robertson who opened his heart to the crown stating that he suffered with severe depression and that he was unable to attend a meet n’ greet like they do after each show. After the speech he went deep into the new stuff starting off with my personal favourite from the album, Killing Floor. Hearing that riff almost made me ejaculate, it was so dark and raw it could even appeal to those with darker tastes in rock/metal. They also played the 2 tracks they’ve released in “Blame It On The Boom Boom” and the very popular “White Trash Millionaire.”

John Fred Young, what an unbelievable drummer, his solo was immense. I don’t think I’ve seen a better drum solo live since Tommy Lee in 2005. His speed, precision and energy in every track they played that night was a thing of hairy beauty, that topped off an amazing set by Kentucky rock band. They ended the night with possibly THE crowd favourite, Lonely Train with the entire crowd, myself included belting out every line of that song in unity to add more intensity to their presence on stage than they already gave. All in all, it was a very surprising evening for me and I definitely will be seeing them again in November. Amazing show in such a small venue.

That gig made me feel quite si-CKY

Well, right from the get-go I was very skeptical that the gig was always be a little if not completely off and after the first band had problems with their equipment (which couldn’t have happened to a more deserving band) I was starting to feel like it could happen to CKY. CKY have been on the American scene for 12 years after their very successful debut album, Camp Kill Yourself Vol. 1. It fitted into the skater scene very nicely and have gathered a very minuet following which is a shame because they have come up with some absolute gems. They haven’t been to Wales since they played in Swansea back in 2009 and with their short set coming up at Download festival today, they have been hard at work touring the UK trying to find popular songs to play at the festival by getting crowds involved in decisions of songs.

Dear Superstar (Only supporting act) 3/10.

“Fuck me” was all I couldn’t think about when I saw this band. 5 members of the band, 5 completely different looks, seriously? Considering they were meant to have taken the stage with the biggest metal and hard rock acts around the world, I couldn’t think of any other band that generally confused me about what they were trying to go for. The lead singer, Micky Satiar was trying to be another Perry Farrell (Jane’s addiction) as was flaunting his very skinny body at the crowd who honestly looked like they cared more about the sighing security guard at the barrier than they did him. Anyway they played (sort of?) and after 3 songs, their equipment died (God does exist folks) and they tried to salvage what was left of their set so they played 1 short song. Big woop. The music was passable,  it blended hair metal, hard rock and modern metal into one, which was ok but again, it was like watching a very sexually confused teenager trying to see light, it wasn’t going to be easy. 4 songs later and 1 very confused red head later, it was over. Disappointing, unprofessional and utter bollocks…I hope never to see this “band” again.

CKY (Main act) 8/10.

I do rate their set highly because the band did include the crowd in decisions for songs. My guess was they were nervous about what to play at Download and wanted to hear a genuine “best of” setlist and to be fair, the crowd did some good ones, their classics such as 96 Quite Bitter Beings, Flesh Into Gear and Dressed In Decay were performed with such momentum and pace that it was borderline perfect. Their set was hard, fast and full of energy which was refreshing to see. The mosh pit reflected their performance and as funny as it was to see people getting crushed by a 20 stone out of place fat guy, I wouldn’t wanna be in it. Chad I Ginsburg was quite something, he tried to get the crowd going but it seemed like all he was getting back was drunken pity, well Chad was quite pissed himself. I expected them all to drink a bottle of beer or water on stage but he pulled a bottle of whiskey from somewhere and was drinking it by the shit load. The rest seemed stable and with some great guitar playing being needed for 96 Quite Bitter Beings they did deliver it very well. Overall, a very good balance of newer and older stuff and was a very enjoyable gig to behold. If you can check them out, check them out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgQ7qOCDFYQ

Music is bollocks, get over it!

To be fair, I love music. Those who know me can tell you I love Rock (n’ fuckin’ roll, Christ I hate my-cheesy-self) and all (and I mean ALL) variants of Metal. But some dickhead thought “I know, your mood can depend on what you listen to and because I said it, it’ll stick” that means if you’re pissed off, you must listen to bands like…I don’t know, Job For A Cowboy, Pantera, Lamb Of God and Suicide Silence, am I correct? No, of course not because these bands do relate to people’s issues and in turn make them happy and if the double-bass drumming or the guitaring which is tuned to Drop-A makes people happy, let them. I don’t listen to these bands just when I am angry and wanna take vengeance on the world NO NO NO, I can see behind the “twat smashing a drum for 3 minutes making it sound plausible” or whatever and appreciate it for what it is, Metal is Metal and not an emotional relation! FACT! If you disagree with me, define what Jazz represents then, I’ll be intrigued.

I am gunna be the first to admit that RnB, Hip-Hop or whatever bollocks they wanna name isn’t actually that terrible, granted I don’t agree with it being called music but each to their own. The principles remain the same, the issues are identical but synths seem to be the answer to every chavs musical wish. They “sing” about being in love, being dumped, being fucked by black guys who claim to be pimps, same as metal and 80s rock (just without being fucked by black guys bit possibly except for Motley Crue because Tommy Lee would do a black guy because he can if he already hasn’t).

I do laugh at how funny society seems to differentiate between what makes a good song but the common themes seem to be “heavy beat”, whatever that fucking means and to be honest, I don’t really want to find out, “shreddin’ solo” I agree with this but I don’t go around shouting “My genre is better than yours due to the fact it has bitchin’ solos and you just have 3 minutes of repeated shit” Maybe I should…the beatings from chavs would be painful but I would love to look them in their confused eyes and “lol” at the fact that they worship artists with stupidly intriguing names like “R-suh Hole” or “Jay Z my sideways cap?” But at the end of the day, every person issues a different input into what makes a good song and if you care to argue about it, feel free although it would be like wanking with sandpaper, there’s no point in doing it and it’s quite painful.

END OF RANT – Hugs, Kisses and all that Malarkey

Sarcastic Red

I Have This, Now what?!

This page, in all honesty will be shite…I just don’t know what to do with it. I feel creative but I can’t seem to grasp what I want to start writing about, everything has been done, everything has been published. One of my best friends Matt Bladen (who you can find @ musipediaofmetal.blogspot.com, that’s right I’ve given my first “big up”, so what?) has written about music, to be fair he does have the best understanding of the entire concept of music so who better to write about it…I however, remain sort of in the dark about most things, as open minded as I think I am, I am more closed earred about it, listening to who I want and not really taking onboard suggestions because if they sound like a certain artist, I expect them to sound EXACTLY (I can’t stress it enough EXACTLY) like them. So yeah, I am in the dark about it, so I am glad he’s there teaching me how to love music for what it is.

On the other hand, gaming (haha I know fucking nerd right?) is another favourite..Umm hobby? Past time? Fetish? Who knows, all I know is I love it, and that is done by someone awesome, Rob Payter (big up time? you bet yo’ sweet ass it is, is found here payterspenthousereview.tumblr.com) so I might differentiate between alternative topics because I can to be honest…I mean one subject is fine but there’s more than one passion in life isn’t there? So…feel free to tell me something I can write about and I will look into it myself and who knows, I might rant about that too…

Hugs, kisses and all that malarkey

SarcasticRed

A Second Chance Of Life.

From ’89 to the early part of 2007, I was oblivious to anything dangerous in life, the thought of serious illness seemed like a thought so far away that it makes Peru seem walkable. I was fully aware that one of my closest friends Sam was having some problems which made me think about my own self-health. I had been having a few minor problems and overlooked it until Sam’s discomfort made me open my eyes. I decided to get checked out and after 5 minutes of awkward silence mixed with anxiousness, it was announced that I needed an urgent scan. I still thought nothing of it, I considered myself a lucky boy and was so happy-go-lucky, I couldn’t honestly give a fuck whether everything was going to be OK or not. During the scan, my mother was in tears for obvious reasons and I was still as ignorant as I ever wanted to be, at the time, the results didn’t matter, I had to be strong for my mother. During the scan, the noticed the tumor (Matt S, it was a toomeh) pretty much straight away and said I had to see the urologist, that appointment took less then 24 hours to take place. This was the big one, I finally started to show nerves and emotion…it dawned on me that this was the biggest thing to ever happen to me and up until this point, I was doing it by myself. The appointment lasted all of 10 minutes, the doctor looked at the scan and decided to double check himself and confirmed the tumor and straight up told me that an operation needed to be done and quickly.

The operation day was a surprise, apparently I ticked the box which said “tick if you are happy having the operation the same day you receive this letter” and I was totally off guard. I was home, by myself and panicking. I phoned my nan and told her that I was due at the hospital in 3 hours. She gave me my mothers work number and told her the same thing and before I knew it, before I can even blink, my mother was home. We got to the hospital an hour before and went through all the preliminaries before I was taken into the theatre.

During the briefing about the knock out gas they were giving me, I felt myself shaking after leaving my family waiting in the waiting room for me, I hated showing weakness in front of my family and I still do. Well I can’t tell you what the Drs did exactly because I was asleep for 2 hours.

2 hours later, I awake in a very fragile state, I couldn’t believe I lost a testicle and a piece of my dignity…but I had to deal with it. When the gas was out of my system, I was wheeled into, well I don’t know where I went but there were a few other patients in with me, one of them was Brian who lived 10 minutes from me, so we talked about the area. One of the most cheerful guys I met there kept calling me “cock” because he was taking the mick out of my op, if you can’t laugh at yourself then you won’t be much of a person. He did cheer me up and me and my family had a few laughs because of him, despite him eventually being annoying about it.

The realism of what happened set in when I was about to get discharged from the hospital and had to get dressed. Putting on a t-shirt and shirt was easy as it always was, but underwear and jeans was another issue, I never felt any pain like that and I never would challenge anyone else to try, with stitches and rapidly fading painkillers being my only bit of relief, I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head several times just trying to do my buttons due to the pain.

The journey home was slow and I couldn’t get home soon enough…problem was I live on a second floor with no lifts..that’s right..fun. After limping to the door and losing my slipper, I couldn’t fight back the tears coming down my cheek and I grasped the door handle. I believe it took me 15 minutes to get up those stairs slowly to keep pain to a minimum. I got through the front door and I felt..odd. Something wasn’t right. I didn’t wanna frighten my mother so I checked my stitches in private, turns out they were bleeding and it was blood running down my leg. I panicked and screamed for help, my voice having a sense of urgency about it and quickly my mother phoned the NHS helpline and all we were told was..wash it…no shit? really?!

Six weeks later, I made a full recovery and I really saw life in a different light, not to take things lightly and cherish everything, I couldn’t thank Sam Coates and Gareth James enough for keeping my company for a lot of my time and I got the phonecall I waited six weeks for this and sure enough it was my urologist. After a brief exchange of pleasantries he told me that I DIDN’T have cancer…I sighed a relief then went back to GTA and my nan was there with me crying with happiness.

I recovered…by the end of August and I was ready to confirm my place on the second year of my college degree and that’s exactly what I did. As soon as I was capable of walking out doors, I decided to get myself another job.

My first and only place I applied for was Toys ‘R’ Us and after Daniel Joseph helped me with the form and handing it in to Elaine, I was feeling hopeful.

Five days later, I got a phone call saying I got an interview for the Wednesday afternoon. After passing that, I was psyched to find out that I had the job…this…this was the beginning of my life change.